Greetings and salutations. It is I, Greyson. Welcome to my post-convention bonus blog post.

A fight, a wreck, an argument, a chase. Adrenaline rushes through your system, helping you with that fight or flight response, giving you that boost to survive the experience. Then afterwards comes the crash. Your hands are shaking, your heart is pounding so loud in your chest that you wonder why those around you can’t hear it. Right now I’m going through the emotional equivalent of this adrenaline crash.

I’m now home recovering, both physically and mentally. For eleven days Clevenger and I were on the move, living the high life that comes with being fledgling authors peddling our books. While he may be an old hand at visiting pop culture and gaming conventions, he is now learning the ins and outs of being a vendor rather than an attendee. And for me, it’s all new from both sides. This means we are learning together what it means to man our author’s booth.

We got to chat with authors who are at our same stage, hawking their first book for the first time. We had an opportunity to talk with new writers, halfway through their first manuscripts and dreaming of joining us in publishing their first books. And we also were able to speak with authors who are now old hands at selling their books at cons. We were able to swap tips and tricks, share and learn resources, and inspire one another, even as we were inspired by them.

I have seen the future and I really like it. Clevenger and I spent a good deal of time dreaming about what we can improve for future cons. We touched more than once on how things can improve once I am able to relocate to the Chicagoland area. The community, the resources, and the opportunities that I will have, that I just don’t have here in north Alabama. So much is awaiting me. Awaiting us. Likely two more books out this year, a rise in our social media presence, and a few other opportunities that were uncovered this past weekend at Who’s Yer Con. I am excited, as is Clevenger.

Now I am back home, back in the real world. Back in Alabama. The future is a little fuzzier. Oh, the opportunities are still there, but now the work to get there is staring me in the face. In addition, my doubts and insecurities are creeping back in. What if Clevenger is the one with all the talent, and I am just coming in on his coattails? What if my Disability falls through, and I am unable to relocate? What if, what if, what if?

None of that matters.

It’s all the depression. Depression lies. This was Wil Wheaton’s mantra, and with Clevenger’s support I have been making it mine. I have to have faith that Clevenger’s promises of getting something, anything, worked out to help me relocate will happen. I have to have faith that Clevenger means what he says, when he tells me that what I contribute to our writing, our process, and our sales is worthwhile. I have to believe that the Administrative court hearing for my Disability will come through, that one or more of our books is going to pop off one of these days, that something is going to change with my financial situation. I have to have faith that things are going to grow into that future that we discussed this past eleven days.

For now, my job is not to worry about all of this. My job is to take things one day at a time. One hour at a time. One anxiety push at a time. We have both discussed several times how our mental health has affected our writing, as well as our lives in general. I stand by that. It is the purpose of this bonus post. Whether it is used as a distraction or as a goal to set my sights, my job is to work on the list of writing tasks that he and I have set for me to work on. My job is to not wallow in complacency and self doubt. My job is to fake it til I make it. The goals have been set. We have seen what is attainable. The task is difficult, but not Herculean. We can do this.

I can do this.

Look for me to post a regularly scheduled blog next week, on the first. Until then, don’t forget to love one another.

Greyson Black